Hello everyone! Welcome to week one of Boss Bitch Mommy Blog. I hope this week has been treating you well. Why am I starting this blog? Life has been tough, especially lately. I have 3 beautiful kids, a wonderful husband, a career, and I have my own small business. I hear people say all of the time, "You're superwoman. I don't know how you do it all. You're amazing. You're strong". But I don't feel that way. I struggle with crippling anxiety. I also suffer from fibromyalgia, I ALSO have an autoimmune thyroid disease. Why am I telling you this? Because there are others like me. Like us. We struggle in silence. We cry in the bathroom when we get so overwhelmed. We have underlying anxiety and depression. We're not ok all of the time. Is being a parent wonderful? Yes. Is it also hard and stressful? Yes. I'm here to talk it out. I'm here to lay it all out so that others can see it and say, "Yes! Someone is finally talking about it!" There's no judgment here. We all have individual stories and struggles. This is a place to air those. To talk about them. So I hope you join me weekly, with a snack and a drink, and lets just vent.
A friend of mine calls me Boss Bitch because of having my small business and having a shit ton to do every day of my life. It just kind of stuck and I love it. He's a great source of support for me. That's where the name of this blog came from. As I said earlier, I have anxiety, most likely depression, fibromyalgia, and autoimmune hypothyroidism. I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive, 3 kids with their own personalities and quirks, 2 dogs and 2 cats. 3 years ago, I decided to start my own small business. I make crafty things, blankets, weighted and t-shirt blankets, scarves, hats, etc. My life is great. So why don't I always feel like it is?
I start my day with working my career job. It's corporate and I'm not the most fond of it, but it pays the bills. I work 4 10 hour days. My husband also works full time. We still pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. After work, I do a couple hours of cleaning my house every single day. I love the kids, but they're little tornados. I then work on business for a couple of hours. I have my own space in the garage (which is new), but I try to work in the house to be with the kids and my husband. We try to do things every day together, be it watching a movie/tv or going out to play. My day ends with me going to bed way too late, and feeling like I didn't accomplish everything that I needed to that day. Can anyone relate? This feeling of not being good enough, is everlasting. Do I keep a "to do" list? Yes. Is it highlighted? Yes! Does it work? No! I'm all over the place. So why am I telling you all of this? This is normal. I love my family and I want to be everything for them. I'm running myself ragged doing it. There are definitely kinks that still need to be ironed out. I'm still trying to figure out the best way to get everything done day by day. Everyone else in my life seemed to be way more put together than I was. Their houses weren't cluttered, their kids were acting like perfect angels, they were on point with hair and makeup everyday, and they had great routines. I quickly learned, that wasn't always the case. Of course their house was clean when people were there, but not on the daily. Hair and makeup were done occasionally, because company was coming over or they never knew who they'd bump into during the day. Their kids were angels around others, but didn't listen otherwise. It sounded a bit familiar. It also made me feel a bit better knowing I wasn't the only one who ran into these issues. Lets start talking about this more. Lets start sharing our stories so that someone else can hear it and realize they're not alone. Who else cries almost daily? Who else gets really hard on themselves? Who else gives themselves way too much to do during the day?
What are some things we can do to help? I'm no licensed therapist, but I do see one. There's absolutely no shame in it. I see it as a form of self care. Self love. Lets admit it, we put ourselves way on the back burner. I found that I haven't paid attention to myself in so long, that I don't even know what I like to do anymore. My identity changed from Dani to mom, wife, boss bitch. Who's Dani? What does she like? Here are some suggestions that I have found help with these feelings. Take them with a grain of salt. Will they work for you? I don't know. But I hope they can help somewhat:
1) Find a hobby you find enjoyable. I did this 3 years ago. I had a whole day of horrible, crippling anxiety. I cried in the bathroom at work. I told family and friends I loved them. I felt like my world was crashing down. Why? I don't know. There was no reason. After that day, I finally saw a doctor for my anxiety. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. I also got some great advice that day. Find a hobby you like that keeps your hands and mind occupied. What did I choose? Knitting and Crocheting. I learned all from online tutorials on youtube! Pretty soon I was making scarves and blankets. From there I learned how to sew. I got a sewing machine from my darling husband, who has supported me always. So guess what happened next? I turned that hobby into a small business. It's still going strong now. So my advice here, find your hobby. Find your happy. Sidenote: In the store section, I have a deal for those who want to give this a try. Available for purchase, are a couple of kits. One I will send you a crochet hook and a skein of yarn. I will also attach of couple of beginner "how to" tutorials. These will not be my personal work, but ones I find helpful. The other, is a pair of knitting needles and a skein of yarn. I will attach a couple of "how to" tutorials for knitting. Once again, these will not be my own, but some that I find helpful. Give it a shot. You may love it. You'll be making your own items in no time.
2) Journal. It can be time consuming, and you may think you don't have time for it. It's definitely worth it. Even if it's just 10-15 minutes per day. Write down your thoughts. What's been bothering you? What is going well? What are the good things happening for you in life right now? Side note: In the store section, there's an option to purchase a journal with a complimentary pen. These are not custom in any way. Now you'll have no excuse not to do it.
3) Show yourself some self love every day. Can't make every day work? Start small. Do a couple times a week. Do something that calms the mind. Something that brings you joy and happiness. I personally love word finds. Take a nap! Take a bubble bath. It's time to start carving out some time for yourself. Be kind to the person in the mirror. Side note: In the store section, you'll find lotion available to purchase. I make this myself. It's vitamin e cream, mixed with coconut oil. I could also add lavender essential oil in it as well. This leaves my hands and body soft, and the scent helps calm me for a bit.
Well, that's it for this week friends. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I hope you pull up a chair every week to read about some tips and some stories. Grab a drink and a snack, and come join me.
-Dani (Boss Bitch)